Less Unable Than I Thought

I met Alison, my backup midwife, this morning. Robyn's on vacation all this month. Last time, the results of the 18-20 week ultrasound had not yet made their way to the office, so Robyn was unable to tell me how Boyota was shaping up. On the monitor, he looked healthy and beautiful, but, of course, Jon and I were dying for official confirmation and were a bit disappointed when we didn't get it last visit. So, it was with relief that I received the good news that Boyota seems normal and healthy in every way. Of interest was the news that he is average size for his gestation. I had thought that he might be on the smaller side, since that was what Robyn had told us a couple of appointments back, but it seems that the little guy has made up quite a bit of ground. Actually, it makes a lot of sense, since my belly seems to have really ballooned in recent weeks.

Now, the bit about being less unable than I thought: I confessed to Alison that I had been feeling quite conflicted about the work I've been putting in on the house. On the one hand, I feel like I need to be tackling little home repair projects here and there, in order not to feel completely overwhelmed by the enormous challenge our very big and lovely fixer-upper new dream home represents. On the other hand, after I get done doing something like sanding the stairs or scrubbing the front porch with CLR, I start panicking that I've harmed the baby in some way. Alison was able to reassure me somewhat. She told me that, at this point, the baby is structurally developed and that, from now on, it will be undergoing what they call long development (i.e. putting on weight, etc. -- not developing organs or major anatomical bits). I had thought that this was probably the case, but it was good to hear it from a professional. Anyway, everything Alison told me today made me feel like it is okay to work on the house in moderation and that I shouldn't be feeling guilty. It's hard to explain how this liberates me. I'd been feeling so anxious in recent weeks -- worrying about the house and worrying about Boyota. Now, I know I'm not being a bad mom for wanting to put the house to rights in advance of Boyota's arrival...which I'm looking more and more forward to. With all the kicking he's been doing, I've been feeling more and more connected to him, and it occurs to me right now that I'm really starting to fall in love with my active little baby. There was always love, but, now, I feel a real tenderness towards him. He's going to be a great little person, I'm sure of it!

Here's a pic of Jon and me from a few days ago.